CNJ News has learned that one more government bailout is in the works. Sources close to Henry Paulson and Ben Bernencke yesterday confirmed that yet another institution will need help from the government before imminent collapse.
This time though it's not a Wall Street financial institution.
More after the fold.
Because of the volatility of its stock, and widely fluctuating prices, the speculative trading service Intrade is near collapse.
As John McCain's campaign begins to tank, and Sarah Palin is left flailing in interview after interview, Intrade officials fear a total meltdown of their service.
In the last month, McCain's price has seen a plummet from a high of 52 to its current price of 36. That's a 30% loss.
In the same time period Palin's stock has gone from a high of 19 to it's current price of 10; nearly a 50% loss.
"McCain switches his position more often than the Kama Sutra," said Ian O'McShaughnessy, an Intrade spokesperson, "and Sarah Palin looks like a moose in the headlights during her interviews." Especially worrisome is the Thursday VP debate in which McCain handlers are fearing a disaster.
With previous losses on such speculations as "Will Oprah be chosen as the Democratic VP" and "Can McCain go five minutes in a speech without mentioning that he was a POW" Intrade has been on shaky grounds.
"This election has been very screwy," said Intrade president Sean Baker-Ian-Finch. "We've seen ups and downs unlike any other.
Paulson and Bernancke have been asked why the US government will bailout an Irish institution. "It's true that Intrade is based in Ireland," said Paulson, "but Americans have too much money vested in their stock." "Also," added Bernanck, "with O'Bama running, the interest is very high in Ireland."
Congress hopes that the Intrade bailout will not have a huge affect
on American taxpayers who are already committed to $700 billion in the Wall Street bailout. "We figure $1B to $2B max," said Paulson.
CNJ News Service will have updates as available.
(Disclaimer: This is a satire, a farce. Intrade, please don't sue me, I'm Irish!...and poor!)